The Letter. - (click play and the post is over before the song)

How do you engage as a Coach?

“Hey, thanks for making time to meet me this morning! How have you been?” The larger-than-life man was bounding across the Starbucks to join me for a cup of coffee. We had interacted at a mid-sized tech company where I was working with a person a few levels down from his lofty position running all of Product and Engineering for a growing technology firm. As he sat down, he continued to talk loudly, “... and you know I have been firing up my network to starting looking for my next opportunity….” And then in a very non-coach voice, I said, “Wait - have you processed that you were just fired?” The large tear that formed in his eye told me everything.

Leaving a business is never easy, particularly when it may or may not be your idea. It is something that I have now worked with leaders at all levels many times. Like unrequited love, being rejected by a business hurts… badly. And like most business people, this large man was taught to “never let them see you sweat,” much less cry. My one-sentence burst that bubble … and the sudden stillness scared us both. Knowing that silence is the best tool a coach can deploy, I held still and started to count to 100 in my head. As I got close to 50, he finally said, “How do you know?” The answer was simple… and equally painful - “I was fired once.”

What do you observe about Love, or any emotions… in Business?

Love songs are the stock and trade of most music - finding it, losing it, getting it back… repeat. Today’s track is no exception, focusing on redemption - getting a chance to go back to the one who had rejected you and now sees the error of their way. It was written in the late 60’s by a songwriter in Nashville after his father happened to say something that was the perfect first line. And once on paper, he knew it was not really for him to record and offered to a brand new group that didn’t even have a name yet. Their lead singer was barely 16, and had a husky voice that was, to the songwriter, “...way to husky and rough” for the tender lyric. Making matters worse, the producer thought adding the sound of a jet airplane to the bridge would make the song “really interesting.”

After the band recorded the song, including the airline sound, it was released … and to this day, it is the only #1 hit that is less than 2 minutes long. It put the band into the stratosphere immediately. When the group recorded this, they still did not have a name. One band member suggested, "Let's have a contest and everybody can send in 50 cents and a box top." Producer Dan Penn then dubbed them The Box Tops. This is their number 1 hit and a version that I actually don’t think of when I think of this song. The version that I think captures the raw emotion of actually getting to go back and face that person that rejected you and have them accept you back was done by a group whose title matches the emotion I think is appropriate for this exercise - Mad Dogs and Englishmen.

How do your experiences empower you as a Coach?

Yes - I was fired once… and it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I should have seen it coming, and like most, I was overworking to try and head it off, attempting to prove my own worth to an audience that wasn’t really interested and overlooking the audience that mattered the most. And now I can see with 20/20 hindsight that it prepared me for this path I am currently on. No - I don’t know how you feel - but I do know how I felt… and it is not good. And just playing past it buries the emotions, just like the unrequited love in so many songs.

“So, what do you think I should do?” Realizing at the moment that I actually needed to have something to suggest, from somewhere came this suggestion. “You need to write your boss a letter. The nastiest, most brutal words you can come up with. Raging, emotional, and if needed, profane language. Delete it. Do it again. Keep doing it until you get all of that out of you.” After a few moments, I added, “... if you don’t, it will show up when you least want it to, probably in an interview when you can least afford it to happen”. Our coffee ended after only 45 minutes, and he left walking slower but in many ways, more determined than when he had arrived.

What stories renew your Coaching?

I didn’t think more about it until I got a voice mail about 3 weeks later, “I really appreciated your insights and just wanted you to know that I mailed it today.” My heart LEAPED into my throat as I immediately called him back and doing my best to be calm, asked, “So…. how are you?”. “Never better!!! I wrote as you said, and eventually, I got to the point where I started to realize my part in what had happened. And then I got to where I really needed to be.” Now I had to ask “... and what did you actually write?” “Oh, that was easy. I thanked him for all the things he had given me the opportunity to do, for what he had taught me, and how I wished him nothing but the best.” Stunned, I stammered out “... and what do you expect to get back?”

Do you wonder if the world needs your best Coaching?

Love is not something we talk about in business much, but when I decided to use music to talk about leadership with that as the soundtrack, I should have recognized it shows up all the time. And truthfully, it is always just below the surface, in the realm of the emotions that we try to hide with masks and clever phrases like “it’s not personal, it’s just business.” And particularly after the last 2 years, we are fooling ourselves if we don’t realize that love is present in business all the time.

His answer rings true now, nearly 15 years later, as much as it did then. “It doesn’t matter, does it? I said what I wanted to say, and now I can move on”. And… he did. He has gone on to much bigger roles and much more impactful stances - ones that I am sure he brought even more of his emotions into, risking even larger hurts to his ego… but like the Mad Dogs and Englishmen, ready to leave that out there for all to see. So what do you need to do to let go of the people and things that really got to you once? What can help you put that voice out of your head finally and replace it with this masterpiece in just a few minutes?

Read more and connect with Mark at his website and on LinkedIn!